THERESA FEARON-EMPOWER YOU    

LIFE AND RELATIONSHIP COACH

Empowering You

Read everything - Take what you need

Essential Oils

2 April 2020

Essential oils are not only good for making our homes smell welcoming, they have beneficial health properties too.


Think of your sunny Caribbean holiday.  Want to avoid those pesky mosquitoes?  Buy Citronella wristbands.  Citronella is an essential oil which is used in most insect and mosquito repellents.  It doesn't kill them - it repels them!   Did you know that Citronella also has antifungal and antibacterial properties?


My favourite Essential oil at the moment is Eucalyptus Oil.  It has so many benefits - even though it makes the house smell like a giant Olbas Oil bottle!!!  (Be careful how you use it around animals).  Eucalyptus oil has the following properties :


Analgesic – Reduces pain sensation

Antifungal – Prevents fungal growth

Antibacterial – Prevents bacterial growth

Anti-infectious – Prevents uptake of infection

Anti-inflammatory – Alleviates inflammation

Antimicrobial – Prevents microorganism growth

Antioxidant – Inhibits oxidation

Antiphlogistic – Acts against inflammation and fever

Antirheumatic – Relieves the symptoms of rheumatic conditions

Antiseptic – Destroys microbes and prevents their development

Antispasmodic – Prevents or relieves spasms, convulsions, or contractions

Antitussive – Relieves coughs

Antiviral – Prevents viral growth

Decongestant – Reduces congestion such as mucus

Expectorant – Promotes removal of mucus from the body

Febrifuge – An antifebrile (anti-fever) agent

Immunostimulant – Stimulates the action of the immune system

Pectoral – Beneficial for diseases or conditions of the chest and respiratory system

Spasmolytic – Helps in treating muscle spasms

Tonic – Refreshes, invigorates, and restores the bodily functions

Stimulant – Enhances the overall body function

Vulnerary – Heals sores and wounds


Put a couple of drops in an oil burner or diffuser and just let it to its thing.   You can click on the link above to order or if you have any of the following oils, they also have antibacterial and antiviral properties :

Lavender

Tea Tree

Lemon

Bergamot

Lemongrass

Chamomile

Sage.


To your good health.

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway

1 April 2020

If you've got time on your hands (and, let's face it, the majority of us have), you can make no better plan for your future after Coronavirus than reading this book.


Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway


I read this over 30 years ago after a pretty bad relationship breakup and it changed my life.  I have since given away my original copy but I keep a copy on my bookshelf, and I have the book on audio.


Don't just take my word.  Here are some reviews :-


If you have trouble taking risks and need help read Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway, Daily Express

Reading this book was a revelation. It's a wonderful book for life, Julie Walters, actress

The best self-help book I've read...everyone should read this, Health Plus

Like the title says, just go for it, Elle

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway will help turn your fear into confidence and action, Deidre Sanders, The Sun


If you need something to lift your spirit during this time, and give you a confidence boost, this book is for you.

5 Things You Can Do To Avoid Conflict During Lockdown

31 March 2020

It may be just the pressure of being "on lockdown" (we humans tend to react adversely when we're ordered to do something we don't want to do!).  Or it may be that this period of isolation is highlighting something in your relationship that needs to be faced or addressed fully.  If you feel conflict and relationship stress is increasing, there are a number of things you can do to minimise the damage that conflict will do.  Especially if children are involved.  It is important to find the most peaceful and amicable way through.


When you're feeling the frustration and anger rising, here are 5 things you can do immediately, so the situation doesn't escalate.


1,  STOP.  JUST STOP.

Shouting manifests nothing other than more shouting.  And that's not your aim.  If you want to be heard, validated, or understood, you will not achieve that when your partner is gearing up to be defensive.  


Conflict arises when both parties choose to fight fire with fire.  

Conflict arises when both parties feel that backing down is weak or an admittance of being wrong. 

Conflict arises when both parties are looking for the win.

Conflict arises when you forgot to see your partner as an ally, and see them as an enemy.  


That's not a relationship - that's war!


Take yourself away from the battlefield.  Call time out.  Move to a different space.  Be sensible.   No battle is entered into without a strategy, and you cannot be strategic and emotional at the same time.


2. AVOID TELLING YOUR PARTNER TO CALM DOWN

Telling someone to calm down usually works as a red rag to a bull.  It can come across as patronising and instead of calming your partner down, you fuel more upset.  Can you empathise with their position?  Then do so.  They are then more likely to calm down by themselves and explain the way they are feeling, thus avoiding conflict.


3. FOCUS ON ONE THING

In conflict, we tend to bring up all other hurts.  Thus, a minor disagreement  becomes a litany of past transgressions and hurts, rather than the matter in hand.  If that is your arguing style, and it doesn't get you the resolution you want, perhaps it is now time to learn a new way.


You can learn to master your own emotions.  Disagreements and frustrations are natural in relationships and do not have to turn into major conflict.  You can become either the victim of, or the victor over your emotions, because only you are responsible for the way you feel.  You decide.


4. REMEMBER TO BREATHE

Nearly all self-help books, gurus and programmes teach you the power of breath work.  Why?  Because it works.  By mastering your breathing, you master your emotions.  Your state of mind affects your breath and your breathing affects your state of mind.  By mastering your breathing, you can master your emotions and by mastering your emotions you can choose not to play a negative part in any conflict.


In effect, you take responsibility for you.


5. WHAT ARE YOU ARGUING FOR?

That's the question to ask yourself.  In the midst of your back-and-forth, ask yourself, "What am I actually arguing for?"  The chances are, you're having the same old argument, just in a different way.   What is the purpose?  Are you arguing to make a point?  Are you arguing to make the relationship stronger?  Are you arguing because you don't think your partner will ever get too fed up and leave as they know what you're like, so it's OK?   Or are you arguing so that your partner will get fed up and leave?


What are you actually arguing for?


The answer to that question will determine the next move you make.  And avoid further conflict.




Does your Root Chakra need activating or balancing?

30 March 2020

If you're not familiar with the concept of Chakras, here's a brief overview.  Chakras are the major energy centres of spiritual power in thehuman body.  There are seven main chakras :  the Root Chakra, the Sacral Chakra, the Solar Plexus Chakra, the Heart Chakra, the Throat Chakra, the Third Eye Chakra, and the Crown Chakra.


Today I am focusing on the Root Chakra, which is located at the base of the spine.  Its associated colour is red.


When the Root Chakra is balanced, you feel secure and confident.  This is especially important during this period of uncertainty.  A balanced Root Chakra gives you the ability to deal with problems and handle conflicts with a calm and constructive mind. However, when blocked, you tend to feel overly cautious, insecure, angry.  A blocked Root Chakra can manifest in aggression, violent behaviour and recklessness.


The Root Chakra is related to the basic needs in life such as food, shelter, warmth and comfort. If balanced, it will keep you on track to get these needs met.  However, if the balance is lost,  you may feel fearful, unbalanced, and life appears to be more difficult than ever.  Money problems arise, you lose confidence, and more negative behaviours come into play.  Greed, selfishness, manipulation, to name a few.


If you feel that your Root Chakra is blocked, or overwhelmed with negative energy, the following suggestions can help you bring it back into balance.


Eat Red

The Root Chakra is related to the colour red so eat as many red foods as possible. Tomatoes, red meat,strawberries, raspberries, beetroot to name a few.  And because the Root Chakra is responsible for feeling grounded, feel free to eat as many root vegetables too.


Wear Red

Keep the colour close to you by wearing it.  And as most of us are indoors, who cares what it looks like - if red isn't really your colour.  The shade isn't important.  As long as it's red.


See Red

Envision a red flame glowing brightly at the base of your spine can help clear the Root Chakra. See a red flame at the base of your tailbone and picture the light extending down to your legs and feet and grounding you to the earth.


Other things you can do to help your Root Chakra include :

Dance (round your room, like no-one's watching - although the whole family probably will be!!)

Go for a walk (in nature if possible)

Hug a tree

Or just spend some time outside daily (barefoot if possible) to connect to the earth.  


And of course, you can always hold a red crystal - remember to cleanse it first.


It is important to balance your Root Chakra before tackling any of your other Chakras.   The Root Chakra is your foundation stone.  Spend time working on your Root Chakra and feel the difference.

Coronavirus

25 March 2020

This virus has us all locked down and life is feeling unsettled and surreal for a lot of us.   Please follow the guidelines. And if being closeted at home is beginning to take it's toll, remember, looking after your physical and mental well-being is paramount.


My aim in writing this post is offer some words of comfort, amidst the fear of prolonged isolation and to remind you that we will come through this.    I know for some of you, the kids are getting testy, relationships are becoming strained, and at times it feels as though you're trapped.  Small comfort, I know, but no storm lasts forever.


I'm here to do what I can to help.  I will be posting some self-help posts on my website daily -  as well as uplifting posts on Instagram and Facebook for those of you who follow me on those sites.  In addition,  feel free to email/text me to book a 30 minute telephone or Skype call (no charge for 30 minutes).   You will be able to make bookings online shortly, as I am in the process of setting this up.


In the meantime,  Be safe. Be well. 

Don’t Forget to Declutter Your Mind

22 March 2020

One of the things you notice when you start decluttering is how so much of the clutter in your house reflects the clutter in your mind.  If you’re hanging onto to clothes that don’t fit, or the ugly vase your mother gave you for Christmas or the exercise bike you might get around to using, you don’t just have a problem with too much stuff. You have a problem letting go. Chances are you’re also hanging onto a whole bunch of bad feelings, ill-founded assumptions, old grievances and future worries.


If it feels good to declutter your house, it feels even better to declutter your mind.  Here are some useful expert tips to make some space in your mind.


1. Use some meditation techniques

You don’t have to do the full sitting on a cushion in a darkened room thing to benefit from meditation techniques. If you’re feeling bothered, some simple breathing techniques can help you calm down and focus. For a few minutes, focus only on your breathing and nothing else. If your mind wanders or gets back into the worrying groove, you must put that aside and come back to focus on your breath.


2. Write it down

It can help to write down anything that’s on your mind. Once all those worries are down on paper, you can prioritise them and work out a plan to deal with them. You can also assess them to identify what’s essential and what isn’t. When you can see what’s important, you can focus your energy and free up some of that mental space!


3. Stay in the present

Brooding over the past and worrying about the future takes up a lot of space in your mind and achieve precisely nothing. Let go of regret over past mistakes or resentment of past slights and move on. Keep your focus on what you can influence right here, right now.


4. Do one thing at a time

Multitasking is not only overrated (it’s very inefficient), it also leads to greater anxiety, and you never do any one thing properly. Focus on doing things methodically and thoroughly. As you finish one task, move onto the next.


5. Control all the incoming data

We talk about being available 24/7 and the 24-hour news cycle, but there is only one person who can control that. You. You can choose to switch off your computer, smartphone, and tv and control the amount of data your brain is trying to process.


Decluttering your mind will pay off in all sorts of ways you hadn’t imagined. You will be more productive, less stressed and more motivated. 

You have the power to heal your shame

27 January 2020

Shame is a complex human emotion that we all experience at one time or another. You might feel shame because of something about your appearance, events related to your family, or even a lack of education. You might feel you’re not worthy somehow. Shame shows itself in many forms.


Even if you struggle greatly with managing your shame, trust in the knowledge that you can heal it.


Consider the following methods to strengthen your emotional health and soothe your spirit:


1. Identify shame’s presence. Because we tend to try to cover up that which embarrasses or demeans us, you’ll probably need to do some personal confrontation of your own emotions.

• Are there particular people in whose presence you feel embarrassed? If so, why?

• Perhaps when you’re in a specific type of situation, you notice that you tend to close down emotionally or feel numb.

• Begin to take note of when your emotions are either stirred up or flat (which means you feel nothing at all).

2. Recognise you’re “only as sick as your secrets.” In the counselling profession, there is a saying: “We’re only as sick as our secrets.” This adage means that the things about ourselves that we keep to ourselves are the exact issues that we need to acknowledge and do something about.


3. Consider discussing your shame with someone you trust. Because shame can be a tough emotion to handle, it’s helpful to have someone you can talk to about it. Whether it’s a close friend, your partner, or a professional, it will free you to put words on those feelings.

• The more you talk about it, the better you’ll be able to gain some understanding about what triggers your feelings of shame. Not only that, but also talking about your shame de-mystifies it and makes it something real that you can resolve.

• A mental health or counselling professional is trained to facilitate people in identifying their troubling issues and learning to understand and manage challenging feelings. If you believe you could benefit from this type of assistance, by all means, avail yourself of it.


4. Be brave. It requires courage to share your insecurities with another person. Your bravery reveals your passion, strength, and optimism.


5. Learn to love yourself. No matter what your shortcomings, you deserve to experience the uplifting feelings you can get from self-love. Even though you think you have a lot of spiritual “blemishes,” you must allow yourself to see your real beauty within.


6. Connect with your spiritual power. Whether it’s your religion, an interest in Eastern philosophy, or a strong belief in Mother Earth, establish a connection with whatever spiritual power you believe in.

• When you have a spiritual power you can lean on, you’ll likely find solace and the strength to face and resolve your personal shame.


7. Have confidence that you’ll overcome. At some point in life, we all have our difficulties to deal with, our challenges to manage. Reach deep within yourself and you’ll find the confidence to persevere.

• Remember that you’ve resolved challenges before and know that you can conquer this one, too.

Shame is a normal human emotion that we’ve all felt. If you’re willing to do the work, you can resolve the hurt and shame you feel inside. Use the methods outlined above to move forward toward a happier, more rewarding life. You do have the power to heal your shame.

5 Reasons Why You Are Unable To Get Past Hurt

26/02/2020

Your relationship is deteriorating and you want to repair your relationship, but you are unable to.  Every time you begin to make progress in getting the relationship back on track, you remember how much he/she hurt you in the past, and painful emotions start flooding back to you, and it all seems like one big losing game.


Memories mar my mind

Love, it is a fate resigned

Over futile odds

And laughed at by the gods

And now the final frame

Love is a losing game - Amy Winehouse

There are, however, five main reasons why you can't let go of the past and create a new, more solid relationship with your partner and the solution is a very easy one to say.  In reality, it is something  most people struggle with.


We struggle to let go of the past to mend a relationship because :-

1.  Punishment.  We are still hurting and we want our partner to still hurt too.  We blame our partners for causing us such emotional pain and we want them to see and feel our pain.  In doing so, we leave them little option but to inflict more pain because, in truth, we know there is nothing they can do to alleviate the pain.  It has already been caused.  Why should you have to live with the hurt of lies/betrayal alone?


2.Unknowingness.  We simply don't know how to let go of the pain.   How do you "do" unconditional love?  It's not something that is taught.  


3. Shame/Guilt.  In letting go of pain someone else caused you, you have to face your own contribution and it is not always easy to face our "hidden self" - the parts of ourselves that we know are problematic.  It's easier to keep the focus outside of ourselves than on our own shortcomings.


4. Secrets & Lies.  You've attached your present pain to things in the past (not necessarily within the relationship) that you can't forgive.  The relationship pain then becomes a "cover" for what lies beneath.


5. Honesty.  You're not being completely honest with yourself about the real cause of your hurt.


The antidote is forgiveness, and therein lies the problem.  Some think that to forgive you have to forget.   Forgiveness is more than that.  It is a form of self-love that has nothing to do with the other person.  Every time you have to forgive someone, there's a learning for you.  Forgiving someone doesn't make you weak or vulnerable - it frees you from being in their power.  When someone has hurt you, and you are angry or hurt they have the power to dredge up all those emotions within you, just by their presence or their voice.  The hurt feelings, the headaches, the blood boiling, the resentment.  They control you.


On the other hand, when you have forgiven someone, they no longer have the power to make you act in an emotion-filled way.  You have taken back control.



Relationship Rescue 101

9 March 2020

Instead of finding a new person to love, find new ways to love the person you're with.

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When Your Partner Says "It's Over"- 7 Ways to Cope With Break-Ups

Posted on January 22, 2020 at 10:00 AM

 

Regardless of where you live, your social status, or your occupation, if you’re a human being you’re likely either involved in a close relationship or hoping to get into or out of one. The human condition is such that we strive to develop a close emotional connection with someone who we can spend our life with.

 

You’ll probably experience times when you’re with someone who wants to leave the relationship. Those words, “It’s over,” can be some of the most painful words you’ll ever hear.

 

These suggestions will help you cope with the loss of a love relationship:

 

1. Acknowledge that the relationship has ended. You might have difficulty with the idea that you won’t be seeing or spending time with the person anymore. Admit to yourself that however you feel about him or her, it’s done.

 

2. Process what happened. This step will be emotionally challenging, yet going through your “emotional file cabinet” of what has gone on in the relationship will ultimately help you get through the break-up. From your point of view, what happened?

 

3. Ponder how the two of you related. It’s especially important to be realistic whenever you’re considering the most basic thing about the relationship—how you communicated with each other.

 

• How did you get along? Were there times you couldn’t adequately convey your thoughts and needs? Or that he/she couldn’t convey their ideas and wants to you?

 

4. Be honest about what didn’t work between you. Although you might tend to get caught up in the emotional pain and angst of the ending of a relationship, it’s important to have your eyes wide open regarding the rough spots.

 

• Sure, maybe you both loved football and enjoyed eating Italian on Friday nights, but what didn’t you do so well together?

 

• It will be enlightening for you to get real about what wasn’t working between the two of you. Otherwise, you’ll struggle to draw conclusions about the relationship, which is necessary for you to move on emotionally.

 

5. Baby yourself a bit. After all, you’ve been through an emotionally devastating event. Because you want to get through this trauma and live out your life with serenity and happiness, it’s perfectly acceptable to take time to engage in activities that bring comfort and solace.

6. Be active even if you don’t feel like it. Whether it’s visiting friends or going for your morning jog, continue engaging in an active lifestyle to encourage your emotional healing. You’ll be invigorated by the physical regimen and it will serve to lift your mood.

 

7. Draw your own conclusions. As time passes, you’ll notice you’re successfully “sorting out” what happened in your past relationship. And you’ll also see that you’ve formulated your own ideas about what actually occurred between you.

 

• For example: “Oh, we just didn’t agree on how a good relationship works” or “He/she just couldn’t accept that I wanted to spend time with my friends” or “I guess I tried to control how he/she spent their spare time and he/she didn’t like that.”

 

• Whatever conclusion you arrive at will help you enjoy healthy relationships in the future.

 

When you hear, “It’s over,” you might be emotionally immobilised. But if you apply these strategies, you’ll skillfully work through the break-up and arrive at your own ideas about why the relationship ended. Then, use that information to aid you in moving on with your life.

 

You can successfully cope with the aftermath of a lost love to discover your new and improved life that’s waiting.

 

Theresa x

 


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