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THERESA FEARON-EMPOWER YOU    

 EMPOWERMENT COACH

Our Blog

An ongoing series of informative entries

Our First Blog Entry

4 July 2022

Do you ever feel lost and don’t know who you are anymore? If so, you’re not alone. Many people find themselves in this position in their lives. The good news is that there are ways to find your inner self again.

Here are five effective tips to help you find your inner self again:


1. Identify your passions and focus on them. When you know what you’re passionate about, it’s easier to find direction and purpose in your life. If you’re not sure what your passions are, take some time to explore different activities and interests.

● To find your passion, ask yourself what you enjoy doing, what makes you feel fulfilled, and what topics get your attention.

● Once you identify your passions, attempt to focus on them each day. It could mean working on a hobby, pursuing a creative passion, or taking steps to achieve a goal.

● Set small, achievable goals to understand your passions and boost your self-confidence.


2. Each day do an activity that you enjoy. It would be best if you took the time to relax and recharge. If you’re constantly on the go, you’ll eventually burn out. Schedule some “me time” into each day.

● Use this time to do something you enjoy, such as reading, listening to music, taking a bath, or spending time in nature. Taking care of yourself is crucial if you want to find your inner self again.

● Book a spa day, listen to your favorite songs or go roller skating. Identify things that make you feel good and make time for them.


3. Connect with nature. When you’re in nature, it’s easy to feel more connected to your inner thoughts and emotions.

● Take a walk in the park, go for a hike, or sit outside and enjoy the fresh air. You’ll likely find that spending time outdoors helps you relax and clear your mind.

● Spend time outside every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. If you can, go for a walk in your backyard or take a hike in the woods. These activities will help you feel more connected to nature and yourself.

● Spending time in nature will help you feel more connected to your inner thoughts and emotions. It will also benefit your physical, mental, and emotional health.


4. Spend time with friends and family. Another way to find your inner self is to spend time with people who make you happy. You feel more relaxed and at ease when you’re with loved ones.

● Take the time to reconnect with old friends or plan fun activities with your family. Attempt to surround yourself with positive people who make you feel good about yourself.

● Hanging out with friends can be fun to relax and feel more like yourself again.

● Choose friends that are supportive, positive, and make you laugh. Set dinner dates, go to the movies, or spend time at home.

● Pets can also be supportive companions. If you don’t have any close friends or family nearby, consider getting a pet to help you feel more connected. Cats, dogs, birds, and fish can all make great pets. Consider what type of pet would best fit your lifestyle and home.


5. Cultivate a positive mindset. A final way to find your inner self is to let go of negative thoughts and cultivate a more positive attitude.

● Finding your inner self will be difficult if you always focus on negative thoughts. Attempt to let go of these thoughts and focus on the positive aspects of your life.

● Think about things that make you happy, such as your favourite memories or people in your life.

● You can also try positive affirmations to help shift your mindset. Repeating things like “I am worthy of love and happiness” or “I am strong” can help you believe these things about yourself.

● Focus on the present moment. What is good about this moment? How can you make it meaningful to you?


By following these tips, you’ll be on your way to finding your inner self again. Remember to be patient and to enjoy the journey. Don’t give up on yourself. Believe in your ability to find happiness and inner peace.

Start each day with positive affirmations, take a long walk, and attempt to work on your passions as much as you can to help you successfully find your inner self.

TOP 10  PROFOUND LIFE CHANGES YOU CAN EXPERIENCE BY MEDITATING.

25 June 2022

Though meditation has been around for thousands of years, it’s only now that meditation is becoming mainstream. Even the conservative medical community is singing the praises of meditation. 


Meditation is a simple and free tool that can enhance your life in many ways. If you’ve considered meditation but decided against it, now is the time to reconsider.  Meditation can enhance your life in many ways:-


1. Meditation can increase self-confidence. Meditation can help to remove self-doubt and self-criticism. You will become more accepting of your shortcomings. When you are able to accept yourself, you believe that others will accept you, too.


2. Meditation reduces stress and anxiety. During meditation, you focus on something to the exclusion of all other thoughts. It’s not possible to feel stressed about your finances or your love life when 100% of your attention is focused on something else. You develop the ability to regulate and moderate your emotions through meditation.


3. Meditation provides a method for learning about yourself. Most of us possess a certain amount of blindness when it comes to our thoughts, behaviours, and tendencies. Meditation encourages self-examination and detachment.


4. Meditation can help you to see the truth. Meditation seeks to remove all of your preconceived ideas and put your emotions on the back burner. Without the influence of your beliefs and emotions, it’s much easier to catch a glimpse of reality. Your ability to make effective and intelligent decisions will grow.


5. Meditation gives your brain a rest. Your brain is constantly working. There’s not one moment of the day your brain isn’t running at full speed. Even while you’re dreaming, your brain is busy creating your dreams.

When you become an effective meditator, your brain finally gets a chance to rest. You’ll be surprised how good just five minutes of meditation can feel. Many experienced meditators find that one minute of meditation per hour is very beneficial.


6. Meditation can improve concentration. Most forms of meditation require focusing on a thought or object, commonly your breath. All of this concentration practice will bleed over into other parts of your life. You become good at what you practice.


7. Meditation can make you more accepting of others. When you’re more able to see your own shortcomings compassionately, you’ll extend that same compassion to others. What would happen if everyone took the time to meditate?


8. Meditation can prolong your life. Meditation has been shown to slow the aging process, both physical and mental. It’s possible this could increase longevity. At the very least, you’ll feel, look, and think better!


9. Meditation can boost your level of creativity. By eliminating your negative thoughts and beliefs, you’ll have greater access to your creative abilities. Lower levels of stress also increase the opportunity to put your mind to good use. You might be a lot more creative than you’ve given yourself credit for in the past!


10. Meditation can enhance your health. In a 2008 study, 40 of 60 patients were able to eliminate the need to take blood pressure medication after learning to meditate.  Meditation has also been shown to enhance the function of the immune system. Consider that one of the signs of aging is a decrease in immune function.


Meditation is one of the most powerful self-development tools available. A short meditation session each day can provide profound results. The benefits aren’t limited to your psychology. Studies have demonstrated physical benefits, too. Consider adding meditation to your daily routine for 30 days and see the results for yourself.


Contact me for tips on how to begin your meditation practice.

23/10/2020

Valentine's Day in Lockdown

Valentine's Day this month is going to be a very different affair for many couples this year.  We're still in lockdown, relationships have become strained  as a result of working from home/furlough/home-schooling responsibilities and on top of all of that, there seems to be no end in sight.


It may be easier to just say "sod-it!", but now is as good a time as any to self-reflect on your relationship.  Are there things you could do differently to enhance your relationship?


Below are 7 questions for you to ponder before you choose not to buy that Valentine's Card.....


1. How can I strengthen my effective listening skills and devote my full attention to my partner when he/she is talking to me?


2. Do I make it a point to be open and honest with my partner?


3. Do we share our hopes and dreams together?  What is our action plan of how we're going to make them happen?  How can we work toward these dreams together? 


4. When we disagree, how do we handle our differing opinions?  How can we turn our disagreements into loving communication?


5. Do I sweat the small stuff?  How can I develop more patience and understanding towards my partner?


6. How do I communicate my love to my spouse?  Do I show my love numerous times each day?  What else can I do to show my love and fulfil my partner's needs and desires?


7. Do we laugh together about something every day?  What can I do o bring more humour and fun into our life?


Within this small 7 item list, there may be things you can commit to straight away that will have a more lasting and positive effect on your relationship than a Valentine's Card.





You have the strength to walk away from unhealthy relationships.

23/10/2020

Your personal wellbeing is one of your top priorities. If someone threatens your peace and happiness by being mentally abusive or by constantly being negative towards you, you have the strength to walk away.


You owe it to yourself to ensure that the relationship you're in is healthy. You deserve to be treated well and you also deserve to be adored by your significant other. This is how relationships should be!


When you are feeling down, your significant other should be able comfort you and endeavour to make you smile. If you are hurt, you should feel able to be comforted by your your partner.  When you need to talk, you want a partner who is willing to listen to understand.  And you want to be in a relationship where you are able to reciprocate all of that, because those actions point towards a healthy relationship that is built upon love, trust, and friendship. Without those three vital components, a relationship is lost and loveless.


You have the strength to walk away from any  relationship that makes you  feel uneasy.   Though you may feel love for the person, it is impossible to be in love with someone who treats you like a lesser partner.   You may be in love with their company, but not their harmful actions.


IF THE ABOVE ARTICLE RESONATED WITH YOU, PERHAPS NOW IS THE TIME TO ASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING :


1. Do you often stay in doomed relationships because you're scared of being alone?

2. Is your family supportive of your relationship?

3. Why or why not?

How To Cope If You’ve Been Ghosted

3 September 2020

Do you wonder if your last date was a magician because they disappeared into thin air?


As more singles look for potential partners online, the risk of being ghosted increases.


Ghosting has become the term for describing a certain kind of dating behaviour. It usually happens when you go out on a few dates that seem promising. Then, your new love interest stops returning your calls. They may even block you from their social media sites or erase the account where you met them.


It’s natural for you to feel upset or angry. Learn how to deal with ghosting while you’re looking for a healthy, loving relationship.


1. Clarify the situation. If you’ve been living with someone for a year and want to cut ties, you probably owe them an explanation. If you had coffee a couple of times, there’s no real  relationship to break up although you may feel a little hurt and rejected.  Your "date's" behaviour is on them, though.  Not on you.


2. Lighten up.   As  bad as you may feel, you have just had a lucky escape.   Why would you want to waste precious energy on someone who hasn't got your level of behavioural intelligence?


3. Acknowledge your feelings. Your emotions may be intense regardless of how brief the relationship was. Give yourself time to recover from any doubts or regrets. Especially regrets!


4.  Build your self-worth. Ghosting can take a toll on your self-esteem. Boost your confidence by reflecting on by setting new goals.


5. Move on. Ultimately, the most important thing is to learn from the experience so you can look for a happier and healthier relationship. Figure out what you want in a potential partner and return to dating when you’re ready to try again.


How to Reduce Your Risk of Being Ghosted:


1. Pace yourself. How well did you really know your last date? It’s easy to feel close to someone when you’re caught up in romantic fantasies or enjoying an infatuation. On the other hand, your relationships will be more stable if you take things gradually.


2. Observe closely. If you’re paying attention, you may notice signs that your date could be unreliable. Do they sound bitter when they’re describing past relationships? Are they reluctant to share personal information? How do they interact with others in your presence?


3. Be direct. There’s no guarantee against ghosting, but skilllful communication helps. Let your date know what you expect in a friendly and nonjudgmental way. They may feel more comfortable being honest with you too.


4. Set an example. When it’s your turn to initiate a break up, be gracious about it. You may help others to see that there are kinder alternatives to ghosting.


Remember that ghosting says more about your date than it does about you. Take care of yourself and stay positive, so you’ll be ready to find love with a partner who values and respects you.

Improving Your Relationships Through Emotional Validation Pt 3- How To Validate

26 August 2020

How to Validate


1.  Listen fully.  Start by giving the other person your full attention. Remove all distractions like cell phones and televisions and listen carefully with an open mind. Let people continue talking until they finish their story and provide all the facts.


2.  Summarise what you hear. Reflect back to the person what you think they said. That way they can clarify whether you understood the message correctly.


3. Label the emotions. Help the other person to sort out what they’re feeling. If emotions have been suppressed for a long time, it can be difficult to make sense out of them. Someone may discover they’re still distressed by an incident that took place many years ago.


4. Consider the person’s history.  Different individuals react differently to the same situations depending on their personality, life history and other factors.  A child who grows up in poverty may view money differently from one who had a wealthier background.


5. Recognise the valid aspects of any experience. Ultimately, we all try to avoid suffering and make ourselves happy. Even if you think a particular action shows poor judgement, you can probably find some aspect of the situation that you can relate to if you keep an open mind.


6. Show empathy. Let the other person know that you acknowledge their feelings on the deepest level that is genuine for you. If you’re both struggling to lose weight, you may feel a natural empathy. Even if they’re disappointed by something that seems odd to you, you can still be sensitive to their pain.


Improve your relationships by getting better at providing genuine emotional validation. You’ll learn to manage your emotions better and help those around you to feel more connected and loved.

Improving Your Relationships Through Emotional Validation Pt 2 - The Benefits of Validation

24 August 2020

The Benefits of Validation

1. Validation helps people to feel like they belong. The need to fit in is fundamental to human nature. Validating each other’s feelings helps us all to feel more respected and appreciated. We’re reminded that we all have value just for being who we are.


2. Reduces conflicts and let people know that you care about them and that their feelings matter.  Fewer disagreements arise when people trust each other and demonstrate good will.


3. Improves communications.  In the absence of judging or casting blame, many people will be eager to open up immediately. Open-ended questions and supportive comments can also help promote more constructive dialogue.


4. Validation empowers others.  Authenticating someone’s feelings strengthens their capacity to resolve their own dilemmas. They may get insights into underlying motivations and recurring patterns of behaviour that will help them adopt more constructive approaches and become more confident.

Improving Your Relationships Through Emotional Validation Pt 1 - The Basics of Validation

26 August 2020

Emotional validation is an important social skill that anyone can learn. Help yourself and others to feel more respected and accepted. You can practice with your loved ones and with people you barely know.


Basics of Validation


1. Define validation. Validation refers to acknowledging someone’s feelings. That’s distinct from saying you agree with them or condoning their behaviour. You can talk with your child about how feeling afraid led them to hide their failing grades without suggesting that was the right thing to do.


2. Offer validation to yourself. Learn to validate yourself as well as others. Similar techniques work in both cases. Recognising your true feelings is the first step in being able to manage them constructively.


3. Monitor your nonverbal expressions. Body language is part of the process. If you feel patient and attentive, you’re likely to look relaxed and welcoming. On the other hand, rolling your eyes at a person can feel just as dismissive as any verbal ridicule.


4. Take advantage of daily opportunities. It’s easier to master a skill when you use it frequently. Every social interaction can be a training opportunity, whether you’re talking with your mother or the cashier at your grocery store.

Ask for help if you need it.

28 July 2020

Before the unhappy trinity of Trauma, Self-Medication and Addiction makes it difficult for you to accept the help.

Toxic Partners

23 July 2020

Toxic partners can always find explanations for why they "couldn't" or "didn't" behave decently towards you.


Loving partners just don't do that.

JUST FOR TODAY

22 JULY 2020

Just for today : I will let go of worry.

Just for today : I will let go of anger.

Just for today : I will do my work honestly.

Just for today : I will be kind to all living things.

Just for today : I will give thanks for my many blessings.


What a wonderful world we would live in if we all followed these precepts.  

If you wait until you see it to believe it, that's not belief!

20 July 2020

If you wait until you see it, to believe it, you may have a very long wait. if you opt to believe it right now, your life will start to fall into place - and you'll feel a lot happier too.  And then you'll see, feel and experience the changes you opted to believe were possible.

You're Not Broken

17 July 2020

You don't go to therapy to be fixed.  You're not broken.  A small reminder that the words we use to describe ourselves and our circumstances can be the catalyst for healing.


Sometimes all we need is someone to point us in a different direction.  Or help us see another option.


And if something is a sign of strength, it's knowing when to ask for help.

How to Resolve Conflict with Open Communication

1 July 2020

Whether you’re looking to manage a team or create better relationships between your friends and family, communication is something you have to give a lot of attention to. When you sit down with someone and make sure you’re on the same page, you’ll be able to work well together and get more done.


What Is Open Communication? 


Open communication is exactly what it sounds like: tackling an issue head on and openly discussing ways to resolve it. Nothing is accomplished by letting an issue fester because neither party wants to discuss it.  You’d be surprised how many conflicts can be resolved simply by sitting down with someone and engaging in some open and friendly communication. The discussion shouldn’t be accusatory, threatening, or argumentative, rather, it should be an opportunity for all people involved to calmly voice their opinions and be heard.


Tips For Resolving Conflicts

• A face-to-face confrontation may not always be best. For instance, some people are most comfortable talking on the phone or chatting online. Whichever method makes you feel most comfortable is how you should approach the conflict, so long as you are able to openly voice your concerns.


• Do not make the person involved feel cornered or nervous. This is an extremely important thing to remember if you are in a position of authority over them. You want to make sure that you’re looking to fix the problem and not to attack them.


• Remember to focus on the problem and not the person. Take a moment and really consider what you need to do to make sure that you’re not accusing the person or putting them down. That’ll only close them off to everything you’re saying, so make sure to focus on the behaviour the problem without raising your voice.


• Consider adopting an open door policy, both at home and at work. You’ll be able to effectively communicate with others if you show them that you’re willing to engage with them at any time. This is an important conflict resolution strategy because it will give you a lot more face-to-face time with them in general. The more you foster an open door policy, the fewer conflicts you will have.


• When mediating a conflict, remember that you need to be firm and fair. Listen to all sides and give each person a chance to speak uninterrupted.


Personal Relationships Can Benefit from Conflict Resolution Too!


These tips can also help resolve family conflicts. No family member should be made to feel like his or her feelings don’t matter. You’ll have a much closer-knit relationship with your children and spouse if you have a mutual understanding that you can discuss any topic at any time, without having to wait for “the right time” or for a commercial break on television.  If you want your family to hear and respect your opinions, then treat them with the same level of respect. This is an important life lesson for people of all ages to learn.


Being Patient With Change


Change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s entirely possible that some people involved in the discussion will leave with hurt feelings. So long as everyone involved was treated respectfully and the issue is out in the open, you can now begin working toward a satisfactory resolution as a team.


The more frequently you use these conflict resolution approaches, the easier it will become. Rather than stepping around a sore subject, it will become second nature to have an open discussion and find a resolution. It’s worth the effort to take some time and really consider what you can bring to the table when it comes to open communication and conflict resolution.

Getting Your Partner to Join You in Therapy

10 June 2020

It takes two to make a relationship work so therapy may be more effective if both you and your partner engage in the process. These are some actions you can take on your own and with your significant other to make the most of professional help in building a more loving and intimate connection.


Steps to Take on Your Own


1. Hold yourself accountable. We all contribute for better or worse to the well-being of our relationships. Recognise your own role in any areas of conflict.

2. Make a long term commitment. It's typical for couples to need a dozen sessions or more to work through their issues. Even if you encounter initial reluctance, your mate may eventually want to join in.

3. Do your homework. You and your therapist will probably develop a game plan with practical assignments you can work on in between sessions. As always, actions speak louder than words, so your good performance can inspire your partner.

4. Consider your budget. Rates vary widely, but £75-100 or more per session is common. Many practitioners have administrative staff that can help you verify what your insurance will cover.

5. Rule out violence. Take immediate action if you or your children are at risk for physical danger due to domestic violence. Community hotlines or your local police department can help you find a safe place to stay while you assess your options.


Steps to Take With Your Partner


1. Adopt a positive tone. Reassure your partner of your love and devotion. Let them know that you want to make positive changes to dispel any fears that this is just a prelude to separation or divorce.

2. Pick a good time. Introduce the subject at a neutral time when you have the privacy to talk it over. Give your partner time to reflect and get back to you if needed.

3. Offer a test drive. Your partner may feel more comfortable attending an initial consultation or sitting in on a single session if you've already starting seeing a counsellor. They can always come back for more if they like the experience.

4. Select your therapist together. Team up on finding a professional whom both of you can talk with. Establish your criteria, make a short list, and vote on a final decision.

5. Be sensitive to gender issues. Some people prefer male or female therapists. You may need some private sessions to supplement the appointments you attend together.

6. Become aware of any sense of stigma. Unfortunately, there's a long history of misunderstanding about mental health services. Help your partner to overcome any misplaced feelings of shame and recognise the true nature and benefits of counselling.

7. Brainstorm all your alternatives. Some people find it more acceptable to talk with their pastor than with a psychologist. Self-help books or classes and lectures may also be an intermediate step that can create more openness to entering therapy.

8. Evaluate your progress. Stay on track by clarifying your goals and assessing your results. You might want to keep a journal to record your impressions. Talking on the drive home after each session will help you communicate while events are still fresh in your mind.


Seeking help through therapy is a sign of strength that you believe in the value of your relationship and your ability to learn the skills and techniques that will improve your life together.


Talk with your partner about participating in counselling together while focusing on the improvements you can make under any conditions.

10 loving words and phrases to incorporate into your relationship

2 June 2020

One of the main relationship struggles is communication.  When we forget how to talk to our partner, and how to let them know that we are still there for them, the relationship starts to lose it's spark.


And we all know what can happen then.....


To keep the fire alive, there are certain words and phrases that work.  They let your partner know that you care and that you are still there for them emotionally, as well as physically.  Make a note of the ones that resonate with you personally, and try them out.


1. Thank you. Thanks for all you do for me and all the ways in which you add value to my life.

2. I made a mistake and I’m sorry. I sincerely apologise. Please forgive me.

3. I respect your decisions even though they’re different from mine or what I’ve recommended. You’re free to make your own choices.

4. I'll support you in any and every way that I can.

5. What would you like from me or from our relationship?

6. I acknowledge my areas of needed improvement including ABC, and am working on them by doing XYZ.

7. I love you fully, completely, and exactly as you are.

8. I trust you. I trust in our relationship.

9. I believe in you.

10. What can I do to support you?


Theresa x


How to Deal With Breaking Up When You’re Still in Love

11 May 2020

Breaking up is even sadder when you’re still in love with your soon-to-be ex. However, parting ways may sometimes be a sound decision.


The harsh truth is that a healthy relationship requires more than love. You need to be compatible and respectful toward each other.  Even if you seem like a great match, you may be at different stages of life and pursuing conflicting goals. Maybe you want to settle down and start a family, but your partner wants to buy a boat and sail the world.


You can hold on to fond memories of each other even when your lives are heading in opposite directions.


Try these ideas for helping you to deal with your breakup and build a brighter future.


Short-Term Steps:


1. Seek support. Ask your family and friends for the help you need. Talk with them in advance about your plans so they can be there for you. Let them know when you’re looking for a shoulder to cry on or a pep talk to get you moving.


2. Limit contact. You may eventually decide to be friends with your ex, but you’ll both benefit from keeping your distance for now. That includes offline and online communications.


3. Lighten your load. Give yourself an opportunity to vent your feelings and start recovering. Try to reschedule any demanding projects for later. You may even want to leave town for a few days.


4. Clear away reminders. There will probably come a day when you’ll enjoy going through your mementos but put them aside for now. Box up holiday photos and love letters. Give back any clothing or personal items or donate them to charity.


5. Practice self-care. You may be tempted to binge on chocolate cake and cable TV, but you need your strength. Eat a balanced diet, go to bed early, and exercise each day.


Long-Term Steps:


1. Be realistic. It’s common to idealise your old flame, but that can create a false image of your relationship. More importantly, it can set up an impossibly high standard that will keep you from being open to new possibilities.


2. Let go of regrets. If you’re blaming yourself, remember that you and your ex both played a role in how your relationship ended. Accept the facts and forgive both of you so you can move on.


3. Enjoy your freedom. Learn how to be comfortable on your own. Spend more time with family and friends. Pursue your favourite interests or discover new ones.


4. Meet and mingle. When you’re ready to date, explore your options. Think about what you’re really looking for in a partner. Go to places where you can meet singles who share your interests. Ask your friends for introductions and feedback.


5. Disclose your feelings. If a serious relationship starts to develop while you’re still missing your ex, let your new partner know. Being honest will give them a chance to make informed decisions and build a stronger foundation for your relationship if you stay together.


6. Address root issues. Even if your ex remains out of the picture, you may need to deal with the matters that drove you apart. When the initial hurt has passed, evaluate your relationship to see what you can learn. You may want to talk with a professional counsellor if you need another point of view.


7. Think positive. Keep in mind that you are worthy of love and happiness just the way you are. Projecting confidence will make you more attractive and make it easier to keep moving forward.


Saying goodbye to someone you love can break your heart, but it will mend. Treasure the positive aspects of your relationship and use them to inspire you to find a new love that will last.

Eliminate Money Arguments From Your Marriage

11 May 2020

Check out this blog on my Wordpress page. 


The Make Up Miracle for Couples Who Argue

7 May 2020

Conflict is a natural part of every relationship. As much as you love each other, you sometimes find yourself at odds over how to raise your children, pay off your mortgage, or do the laundry. Try these tips for resolving and preventing arguments so you can weather the rocky times and enjoy more harmony.


Steps to Take After an Argument


1. Cool off. If tempers are flaring, you may be better off stepping away until you calm down. Take a walk or clean out a closet. Let your partner know that you’re willing to talk later when you’re less likely to say something that you’ll regret.


2. Look at the big picture. Remind yourself about your partner’s good qualities. List the positive aspects of your relationship. It will help you to keep things in perspective.


3. Apologise when appropriate. Hold yourself accountable for your contribution to the conflict. Ask for forgiveness when you’ve made a mistake.


4. Respect each other’s feelings. You and your partner will be happier if you consider how your actions affect each other. Be willing to spend Valentine’s Day at an overcrowded restaurant if it makes your partner feel special.


5. Reach out. A little reassurance can keep tensions from interfering with intimacy. Offer a hug or a friendly smile.


6. Follow up. Some differences require more than one conversation. Congratulate yourselves for agreeing to cut back on spending on cable TV and new shoes. Agree to weekly sessions for tackling the rest of your household budget.


Steps to Take Before an Argument Begins


1. Communicate openly. Being direct and transparent will help prevent misunderstandings from piling up. Share your inner thoughts and emotions. Ask your partner what they’re thinking instead of making assumptions.


2. Work together as a team. Pull your weight around the house. Divide responsibilities fairly. Take turns leading major projects, such as supervising home renovations or planning family vacations. This is even more important if they’re becoming a burden for one person.


3. Spend time apart. Give each other some space. Your relationship will be more stable if you build a support network rather than counting on your partner for everything.


4. Establish priorities. Distinguish between deal breakers and minor irritations. There’s a big difference between losing an entire monthly salary on online gambling and buying a few too many boxes of toilet paper.


5. Acknowledge your weaknesses. It’s easier to accept imperfections in your loved ones when you realise that you can be difficult to live with too. Maybe you snore or have trouble remembering anniversaries.


6. Laugh together. Humour is good for relationships. You’ll enjoy each other’s company and feel more connected. That closeness can help prepare you for dealing with serious challenges.


7. Socialise with other couples. Role models come in handy for relationship skills that you may have missed growing up. Spend time with your next door neighbours if they seem to have a strong marriage. Observe how they interact.


8. Seek expert help. Self-help materials and therapists can provide valuable advice. Encourage your partner to join you. Let them know that you want to build a more meaningful life for both of you.


9. Assess your relationship. In some cases, you may discover that it’s time to move on. That can be true if a relationship is undermining your self-esteem or you have different goals. If you need to go your separate ways, an amicable break up will minimise resentments and speed up healing.


Loving relationships require work. Remember how much you care about your partner and let them know it, especially when you disagree with each other.

1  May 2020

When anxiety hits you, it can be terrifying. The panic and frightening thoughts coupled with physical symptoms may lead you to believe that you're having a heart attack or suffering from a terrible disease, when in reality, you're perfectly healthy!


Anxiety can often cause you to have an exaggerated nervous system reaction to common stressors that others are able to ignore.   If you're one of the millions who struggle with anxiety, the good news is that you can feel better, even without medication. You can take positive action on your own to get a handle on your anxiety and feel more in control. Of course, especially if your symptoms are debilitating, please consult your doctor or other health professional for their advice.  Both your mind and body are involved in anxiety. It's a vicious circle: the constant worrying and negative thoughts can produce physical symptoms, which can cause more anxious thoughts. It becomes a pattern that can be challenging to break free of.  But when you're able to overcome this challenge, it's well worth the effort! Tackle your anxiety on both the physical and mental levels TODAY by practising these 10 strategies.


Physical Ways to Lower Anxiety


Try these tips to physically lower your anxiety levels:


1. Breathe. If you're breathing from the top of your chest and not from your abdomen, you might be making yourself more nervous. Breathe from your diaphragm and take full, deep, slow breaths.


2. Get moving. Use up that extra energy and adrenaline that your body produces. If you don't, it can build up and make you more nervous. By getting frequent exercise, you'll prevent your body from storing excess adrenaline.


3. Sit still. It's important to exercise, but sometimes it's more effective to be still. If you usually run from a panic attack or anxiety episode, force yourself to stay where you are and focus on your relaxation techniques, like deep breathing, to help prevent your impending anxiety.


• The anxiety might get worse for a moment, but you'll be calmer after a few minutes and you'll be more prepared the next time you face anxiety.


4. Distract yourself. It's hard to think about feeling nervous when you're actively engaged in other activities. Help others, play a game, or do something else that requires your total concentration as soon as you start to feel anxious.


5. Get in shape. Being physically fit can help you feel better about your health and reduce anxiety. It's not a quick fix, but more of a long-term goal that you can actively pursue. Staying in good physical condition goes a long way in preventing anxiety.


Mental Ways to Lower Anxiety


A positive mental attitude is just as important as using physical techniques to help overcome your anxiety. There are many ways you can use your mental resources to find peace and calm amidst the chaos of anxiety.


Follow these techniques to tackle your anxiety on a mental level:


1. Educate yourself. It's hard to battle something you don't understand. Learn about your condition so you have a better understanding of what you're facing.


2. Use the stop sign. Imagine a big stop sign in your head when you start to have anxious thoughts. The stop sign technique is a great place to start.


3. Network. Talking to others with anxiety can help you feel more "normal" and bring you additional strategies that have worked for others in your same situation.  Reach out to others!


4. Set aside a worry time. If you allot a few minutes each day at a set time and give yourself permission to worry only at that time, you'll soon find that it becomes a chore - making you worry less. By only allowing yourself to worry for a short period, you can program your mind to actually worry less.


5. Offer yourself affirmations. Say positive statements to yourself each day to help you stay strong and brave. For example: "I am a valuable and worthy person, and I have much to offer to the world."


No matter how long you've had anxiety, you can do something about it. When you apply both mental and physical techniques to getting better, you'll soon find that you - not your anxiety - are the one in control!

RELATIONSHIP MATTERS HANDLING VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE FROM YOUR PARTNER

30 April 2020

Q:  Something is going on in my life right now that I never expected to happen—I’ve married a person who says mean and insulting comments to me.   When Patrick is upset about something, he seems to direct all his negative feelings at me. I can’t figure out why he’s behaving like this.


Sometimes, Patrick calls me ugly names.  He says the most hurtful comments. I just don’t know what to do! I used to think I don’t deserve to be treated this way. But now,  I find myself trying to be perfect so he won’t have any reason to get mad. That doesn’t work because even if someone else annoys him, it’s me he explodes at.  I don’t want a divorce but my situation is getting harder and harder to handle. My life feels so out of control!  What should I do?


A:  The situation you’re in is quite complex and admittedly, not easy to manage. Whether Patrick realises it or not, his tirades toward you should be considered as verbal and emotional abuse.  It’s recommended you make a firm decision to take steps to protect yourself emotionally from Patrick’s verbal abuse.


If you do, you’ll be well on your way to managing this difficult set of events.  Although you can’t change another person’s behaviour, you can decide honestly what you will and will not tolerate and conduct yourself accordingly.


Q:  I see. So, I have to decide for myself how I’m going to react whenever Patrick starts his verbal abuse, right?


A: That’s correct. If you have a plan for what you’ll do when he behaves this way, you’ll at least regain some control over your own life.



An effective first step you could take is to inform Patrick right away when you’re feeling uncomfortable with his comments.

Simply saying something as non-threatening as, “I don’t like it when you say that to me” can inform him of your feelings of discomfort about his verbalisations.


When you make this statement, keep your voice tone calm. Speak softly and make eye contact with him as you say it.

If he responds with an apology, thank him and say you’re glad he understands. However, if Patrick only escalates his verbal abuse when you state your feelings, it’s time to take another path.


If appropriately stated feelings on your part trigger him to kick it up a notch, it’s time for you to disengage from the conversation. This means you should leave the room to remove yourself from the unhealthy exchange. Doing so should send the clear message to Patrick you’re unwilling to remain present for his inappropriate behaviour toward you.

As you exit the room, if Patrick follows you while escalating his verbal abusiveness, those behaviours signal Patrick’s propensity for intimidating behaviours.   In the event he makes physical threats, the situation could actually become dangerous for you.   Leave the house without delay should he follow you in an intimidating fashion when you’re removing yourself from a troubling situation. The same goes if he threatens you.


Never attempt to discuss the behaviour with Patrick at a time you feel physically threatened by him.  Basically, if it looks like he can’t stop his verbal abuse and his words have progressed to verbal threats, he probably isn’t in a place emotionally to have a calm, helpful conversation with you.


Q: I think I understand. As soon as Patrick starts verbalising in his cruel, unhelpful ways, I should calmly tell him that I don’t like it or how it makes me feel.  If that stops his comments, then the situation is resolved. But if it only agitates him and he escalates, follows, or threatens me then I need to leave the house promptly before the situation worsens.


I guess I’ve never really considered he would get physical with me, but now, I’m not so sure.


A: Even though it’s our hope that Patrick’s emotional abuse doesn’t progress to the point of physical abuse, the fact is that it could. Verbal and emotional abuse is often a precursor to physical abuse. That being said, if Patrick has shown no physical abuse toward you so far, that’s a positive sign.


Q: This is all so scary.


A: Your feelings about this situation are normal. Also, you’re to be complimented for seeking assistance in efforts to resolve the difficult situation. Speaking of seeking assistance, you can also contact your local domestic violence program for more info about abusive behaviour and to seek ongoing support for your current challenges.  


If you prefer, seek out counselling with a local mental health professional to gain the consistent emotional support you need to confront and hopefully resolve the issue.  In the meantime, it’s important to educate yourself about being barraged with negativity from the person you love. The very nature of being emotionally abused is that you become confused and unsure of yourself. You begin to question, “Is this all my fault” or “What am I doing wrong?”


This type of verbal abuse can do a real number on your self-esteem and self-confidence. Because of the put-downs, the positive feelings you have about yourself are worn away, little by little. Before you realise it, you’re feeling pretty down and might even believe you deserve the poor treatment you’re getting.


The key is to recognise what’s happening and refuse to allow the hurtful comments to affect how you feel about yourself.


Q: Maybe I’m already worn down a bit. Right now, I find myself thinking Patrick won’t pay any attention to how I feel no matter how much I tell him so. Maybe he doesn’t even want to stop his horrible comments. Is there a solution to all of this chaos?


A: You’re struggling now with the confusion and indecision that often accompanies emotional abuse. These are normal feelings for victims of verbal abuse. Of course, you always have options about what to do in such situations. It sounds like you’re hoping Patrick will stop the abuse and come to his senses. But until then, there are some things you can do.


Find a good time, such as when Patrick is in a particularly receptive mood to share your concerns with him. Make statements like, “I’m concerned about how you talk to me sometimes” or “I feel disappointed and hurt whenever you speak to me in insulting and angry ways.”  Another way to approach the situation is to ask Patrick if something is bothering him. It’s smart to start out with an “I

statement. “I’ve noticed lately that you seem on edge. Is something going on at work or at home that’s upsetting you?” When your talk concludes, thank Patrick for discussing the matter with you. “I really appreciate you talking to me about this.”


If you and Patrick are able to talk through an issue and resolve it together, that’s a positive sign that you can communicate effectively together.


Q: Should I file for divorce if he doesn’t stop? I still very much want our relationship to work.


A: Although you may not want to rush in to a divorce, it is a good idea to meet with a solicitor to discuss the choices you have. In advance of your meeting, think about and prepare a list of your questions. This way, you’ll know exactly what you want to talk about when you get there.  Some couples have found it helpful to have a trial separation to allow some time and space between them. Were you to opt for a trial separation, Patrick would have time to think about his difficulties and you could get some relief from the ongoing abuse and reflect on your future goals. Plus, you’d be able to examine your situation with a clearer head.


Q: I see. I could explore all my legal options with a solicitor. Then, if the abuse continues, I could actually file for a legal separation to give us time apart to work things out.

A: Right. Taking such steps will help you stay focused on your own needs. Plus, when you arm yourself with the proper legal information in advance, you’ll be ready to take necessary steps, should the abuse worsen. It’s important to keep in mind that, although you can’t control Patrick’s behaviour, you can certainly make decisions about what you want for your own life.


To review, decide to protect yourself from the emotional abuse. Talk to Patrick about your concerns when you’re both calm and receptive. Seek support from a local domestic violence program or professional. Obtain legal counsel to go over your options, if necessary.


Most importantly, remind yourself you don’t deserve the emotional abuse and that you aren’t trapped. You have the power to change your own existence and live a life free from ongoing emotional abuse.

Do You Recognise the Warning Signs of Pursuer-Distancer Relationship Patterns?

January 15, 2020

Many relationships run into trouble because one partner seeks more closeness while the other seeks more distance. It's a cycle that psychologists call a pursuer-distancer dynamic.


Typically, during the initial infatuation stage, you both want to spend as much as time as possible together. Then, reality sets in. One partner feels like they're not getting enough attention, and the other feels suffocated. The more the pursuer clings and nags, the more the distancer criticises and pulls away.  To make things more complicated, the roles can sometimes change during the course of the relationship. For example, when the pursuer decides to move on, the distancer may suddenly start trying to win them back.


Minor fluctuations are natural in any relationship, but this cycle can become destructive if it becomes too intense or persistent. If you see such warning signs in your relationship, try these more effective methods for staying close.


Steps to Take When You're the Pursuer:


1. Meet your own needs. Be honest with yourself about how much you’re expecting from your partner. You may be exhausting them if you’re placing excessive demands on the relationship. Try making new friends, cultivating outside interests, and fixing your own dilemmas.


2. Ask for what you want. Your partner is more likely to respond to polite and reasonable requests than nagging and vague hints. Make it clear that you’re asking for something, rather than putting them down.


3. Level the field. Who texts more in your relationship? A slight disparity may be insignificant, but if you’re reaching out too much, you may need to exercise some restraint. Resist the impulse to leave repetitive messages just because you want assurance. Try to match each other’s communication frequencies.


4. Back off. It’s essential to talk things over, but you also want to choose the appropriate time. If your partner seems overwhelmed, encourage them to take a break. Schedule your sensitive discussions for a time when you both feel up to the task.


Steps to Take When You're the Distancer:


1. Build trust. You’ll miss out on love if you try to protect yourself by holding back. Instead, learn to trust by remembering that you’re strong enough to deal with disappointments. Notice how your partner shows their concern and good intentions, and treat them with compassion when they make a mistake.


2. Share your feelings. Risk being vulnerable. Start small and work your way up to the deeper issues.


3. Show affection. Let your partner know you appreciate them and find them attractive. Hold hands at the movies or give them a hug when they come home. Make eye contact when they’re talking and ask questions that prove you’re listening.


4. Spend time together. Share your time. Plan a romantic weekend if you’ve been working extra hours for the past month. Wake up early on weekdays so you can get together for breakfast.


Steps to Take in any Relationship:


1. Hold yourself accountable. Focus on how your behaviour contributes to the dynamics in your relationship, rather than blaming your partner. You have more control over your own choices.


2. Spot your triggers. Increase your awareness of how you may be inadvertently sabotaging your happiness. Notice when you’re trying to get your own way by checking in too often or withholding affection.


3. Work together. Remember that you’re on the same side. Support each other as you’re trying to develop healthier patterns of interaction.


A healthy relationship allows you and your partner to balance your needs for autonomy and intimacy. Replace the pursuer-distancer cycle with more open and respectful communication so you can both enjoy more love and satisfaction.

The Easiest Way To Stop An Argument

9 April 2020

Agree to Disagree.  That's it!


You are not going to agree on everything.  You're two different people from different walks of life.  You can either accept that fact and work on a loving way to help your partner understand your point of view.  Or you can continue arguing until you force your point home, by which time you have both said unforgivable things and have now started to emotionally check out of the relationship.


The choice is yours.

Essential Oils

2 April 2020

Essential oils are not only good for making our homes smell welcoming, they have beneficial health properties too.


Think of your sunny Caribbean holiday.  Want to avoid those pesky mosquitoes?  Buy Citronella wristbands.  Citronella is an essential oil which is used in most insect and mosquito repellents.  It doesn't kill them - it repels them!   Did you know that Citronella also has antifungal and antibacterial properties?


My favourite Essential oil at the moment is Eucalyptus Oil.  It has so many benefits - even though it makes the house smell like a giant Olbas Oil bottle!!!  (Be careful how you use it around animals).  Eucalyptus oil has the following properties :


Analgesic – Reduces pain sensation

Antifungal – Prevents fungal growth

Antibacterial – Prevents bacterial growth

Anti-infectious – Prevents uptake of infection

Anti-inflammatory – Alleviates inflammation

Antimicrobial – Prevents microorganism growth

Antioxidant – Inhibits oxidation

Antiphlogistic – Acts against inflammation and fever

Antirheumatic – Relieves the symptoms of rheumatic conditions

Antiseptic – Destroys microbes and prevents their development

Antispasmodic – Prevents or relieves spasms, convulsions, or contractions

Antitussive – Relieves coughs

Antiviral – Prevents viral growth

Decongestant – Reduces congestion such as mucus

Expectorant – Promotes removal of mucus from the body

Febrifuge – An antifebrile (anti-fever) agent

Immunostimulant – Stimulates the action of the immune system

Pectoral – Beneficial for diseases or conditions of the chest and respiratory system

Spasmolytic – Helps in treating muscle spasms

Tonic – Refreshes, invigorates, and restores the bodily functions

Stimulant – Enhances the overall body function

Vulnerary – Heals sores and wounds


Put a couple of drops in an oil burner or diffuser and just let it to its thing.   You can click on the link above to order or if you have any of the following oils, they also have antibacterial and antiviral properties :

Lavender

Tea Tree

Lemon

Bergamot

Lemongrass

Chamomile

Sage.


To your good health.

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway

1 April 2020

If you've got time on your hands (and, let's face it, the majority of us have), you can make no better plan for your future after Coronavirus than reading this book.


Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway


I read this over 30 years ago after a pretty bad relationship breakup and it changed my life.  I have since given away my original copy but I keep a copy on my bookshelf, and I have the book on audio.


Don't just take my word.  Here are some reviews :-


If you have trouble taking risks and need help read Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway, Daily Express

Reading this book was a revelation. It's a wonderful book for life, Julie Walters, actress

The best self-help book I've read...everyone should read this, Health Plus

Like the title says, just go for it, Elle

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway will help turn your fear into confidence and action, Deidre Sanders, The Sun


If you need something to lift your spirit during this time, and give you a confidence boost, this book is for you.

Does your Root Chakra need activating or balancing?

30 March 2020

If you're not familiar with the concept of Chakras, here's a brief overview.  Chakras are the major energy centres of spiritual power in thehuman body.  There are seven main chakras :  the Root Chakra, the Sacral Chakra, the Solar Plexus Chakra, the Heart Chakra, the Throat Chakra, the Third Eye Chakra, and the Crown Chakra.


Today I am focusing on the Root Chakra, which is located at the base of the spine.  Its associated colour is red.


When the Root Chakra is balanced, you feel secure and confident.  This is especially important during this period of uncertainty.  A balanced Root Chakra gives you the ability to deal with problems and handle conflicts with a calm and constructive mind. However, when blocked, you tend to feel overly cautious, insecure, angry.  A blocked Root Chakra can manifest in aggression, violent behaviour and recklessness.


The Root Chakra is related to the basic needs in life such as food, shelter, warmth and comfort. If balanced, it will keep you on track to get these needs met.  However, if the balance is lost,  you may feel fearful, unbalanced, and life appears to be more difficult than ever.  Money problems arise, you lose confidence, and more negative behaviours come into play.  Greed, selfishness, manipulation, to name a few.


If you feel that your Root Chakra is blocked, or overwhelmed with negative energy, the following suggestions can help you bring it back into balance.


Eat Red

The Root Chakra is related to the colour red so eat as many red foods as possible. Tomatoes, red meat,strawberries, raspberries, beetroot to name a few.  And because the Root Chakra is responsible for feeling grounded, feel free to eat as many root vegetables too.


Wear Red

Keep the colour close to you by wearing it.  And as most of us are indoors, who cares what it looks like - if red isn't really your colour.  The shade isn't important.  As long as it's red.


See Red

Envision a red flame glowing brightly at the base of your spine can help clear the Root Chakra. See a red flame at the base of your tailbone and picture the light extending down to your legs and feet and grounding you to the earth.


Other things you can do to help your Root Chakra include :

Dance (round your room, like no-one's watching - although the whole family probably will be!!)

Go for a walk (in nature if possible)

Hug a tree

Or just spend some time outside daily (barefoot if possible) to connect to the earth.  


And of course, you can always hold a red crystal - remember to cleanse it first.


It is important to balance your Root Chakra before tackling any of your other Chakras.   The Root Chakra is your foundation stone.  Spend time working on your Root Chakra and feel the difference.

You have the power to heal your shame

27 January 2020

Shame is a complex human emotion that we all experience at one time or another. You might feel shame because of something about your appearance, events related to your family, or even a lack of education. You might feel you’re not worthy somehow. Shame shows itself in many forms.


Even if you struggle greatly with managing your shame, trust in the knowledge that you can heal it.


Consider the following methods to strengthen your emotional health and soothe your spirit:


1. Identify shame’s presence. Because we tend to try to cover up that which embarrasses or demeans us, you’ll probably need to do some personal confrontation of your own emotions.

• Are there particular people in whose presence you feel embarrassed? If so, why?

• Perhaps when you’re in a specific type of situation, you notice that you tend to close down emotionally or feel numb.

• Begin to take note of when your emotions are either stirred up or flat (which means you feel nothing at all).

2. Recognise you’re “only as sick as your secrets.” In the counselling profession, there is a saying: “We’re only as sick as our secrets.” This adage means that the things about ourselves that we keep to ourselves are the exact issues that we need to acknowledge and do something about.


3. Consider discussing your shame with someone you trust. Because shame can be a tough emotion to handle, it’s helpful to have someone you can talk to about it. Whether it’s a close friend, your partner, or a professional, it will free you to put words on those feelings.

• The more you talk about it, the better you’ll be able to gain some understanding about what triggers your feelings of shame. Not only that, but also talking about your shame de-mystifies it and makes it something real that you can resolve.

• A mental health or counselling professional is trained to facilitate people in identifying their troubling issues and learning to understand and manage challenging feelings. If you believe you could benefit from this type of assistance, by all means, avail yourself of it.


4. Be brave. It requires courage to share your insecurities with another person. Your bravery reveals your passion, strength, and optimism.


5. Learn to love yourself. No matter what your shortcomings, you deserve to experience the uplifting feelings you can get from self-love. Even though you think you have a lot of spiritual “blemishes,” you must allow yourself to see your real beauty within.


6. Connect with your spiritual power. Whether it’s your religion, an interest in Eastern philosophy, or a strong belief in Mother Earth, establish a connection with whatever spiritual power you believe in.

• When you have a spiritual power you can lean on, you’ll likely find solace and the strength to face and resolve your personal shame.


7. Have confidence that you’ll overcome. At some point in life, we all have our difficulties to deal with, our challenges to manage. Reach deep within yourself and you’ll find the confidence to persevere.

• Remember that you’ve resolved challenges before and know that you can conquer this one, too.

Shame is a normal human emotion that we’ve all felt. If you’re willing to do the work, you can resolve the hurt and shame you feel inside. Use the methods outlined above to move forward toward a happier, more rewarding life. You do have the power to heal your shame.

5 Reasons Why You Are Unable To Get Past Hurt

26/02/2020

Your relationship is deteriorating and you want to repair your relationship, but you are unable to.  Every time you begin to make progress in getting the relationship back on track, you remember how much he/she hurt you in the past, and painful emotions start flooding back to you, and it all seems like one big losing game.


Memories mar my mind

Love, it is a fate resigned

Over futile odds

And laughed at by the gods

And now the final frame

Love is a losing game - Amy Winehouse

There are, however, five main reasons why you can't let go of the past and create a new, more solid relationship with your partner and the solution is a very easy one to say.  In reality, it is something  most people struggle with.


We struggle to let go of the past to mend a relationship because :-

1.  Punishment.  We are still hurting and we want our partner to still hurt too.  We blame our partners for causing us such emotional pain and we want them to see and feel our pain.  In doing so, we leave them little option but to inflict more pain because, in truth, we know there is nothing they can do to alleviate the pain.  It has already been caused.  Why should you have to live with the hurt of lies/betrayal alone?


2.Unknowingness.  We simply don't know how to let go of the pain.   How do you "do" unconditional love?  It's not something that is taught.  


3. Shame/Guilt.  In letting go of pain someone else caused you, you have to face your own contribution and it is not always easy to face our "hidden self" - the parts of ourselves that we know are problematic.  It's easier to keep the focus outside of ourselves than on our own shortcomings.


4. Secrets & Lies.  You've attached your present pain to things in the past (not necessarily within the relationship) that you can't forgive.  The relationship pain then becomes a "cover" for what lies beneath.


5. Honesty.  You're not being completely honest with yourself about the real cause of your hurt.


The antidote is forgiveness, and therein lies the problem.  Some think that to forgive you have to forget.   Forgiveness is more than that.  It is a form of self-love that has nothing to do with the other person.  Every time you have to forgive someone, there's a learning for you.  Forgiving someone doesn't make you weak or vulnerable - it frees you from being in their power.  When someone has hurt you, and you are angry or hurt they have the power to dredge up all those emotions within you, just by their presence or their voice.  The hurt feelings, the headaches, the blood boiling, the resentment.  They control you.


On the other hand, when you have forgiven someone, they no longer have the power to make you act in an emotion-filled way.  You have taken back control.



Relationship Rescue 101

9 March 2020

Instead of finding a new person to love, find new ways to love the person you're with.

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HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT IN YOUR MARRIAGE - FREE E-BOOK

Posted on October 7, 2019 at 7:15 AM

CHAPTER 1

Has the romance and passion gone out of your marriage and given way to “companionship”? Are you afraid that both of you might find other people more attractive? Chances are you’re reading this because you know the answer.


The purpose of this book is to share with you what accomplished marriage counsellors have to say about defusing the conflicts in your marriage. After all, you vowed to love each other for a lifetime, through all of the ups and the downs, right?


THE REALITY OF MARRIAGE


According to marriage counsellors, the major reason for the failure of marriage is the blind idealism that shrouds the reality of marriage. People are conditioned to believe that marriage is the solution to all their problems; that marriage involves sitting on a beach in the moonlight, holding hands at the movies, and seeing their beloved as the most beautiful and immaculate being in the world.


But when couples marry, other important concerns such as bills, mortgage, and dirty nappies enter the picture and suddenly romance flies out of the window.


In fact, those little idiosyncrasies that you found so appealing about your spouse have turned into irritants. What’s more, your partner may expect you to look after the kids, keep the house neat, cook sumptuous meals, be great in bed and even make some money. You may think you can’t do all that at once, and you’re right.


You expect your spouse to lend a helping hand in the kitchen, and at least once in a while, volunteer to look after the children. Naturally, according to you, your spouse should automatically remember your birthday and your wedding anniversary, refrain from leaving dirty clothes around, and take you out dancing after work – but most often it doesn’t work out this way, does it?!


The real question is: Do we expect too much from marriage?


“The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.” - Peter De Vries